This is a Black Belt School

by Kyo Sa Nim Victoria Rivas

Statistics say 50% of those who start martial arts drop out within the first six months. Only 3% of those who start will make it to black belt. So, out of 100 people, only 3 make it to black belt.

However, because “we are a black belt school,” each student can make it if they work to the best of their individual ability. We understand not every “regular” student can learn to do a full split or kick above their head. And there are more serious physical differences.

Others may have trouble with memory, arthritis, autism, cancer, attention deficit or even just the drama and dangers of being a teenager.

We welcome all, including imperfection, at our dojang, and that is what we mean by “this is a black belt school.” It does not mean we do not have high expectations. We do. It means expectations are set on an individual basis.

We watch for improvement. In the early ranks, there are so many areas, we promote as we see improvements in “any” area.

As students get into higher ranks, they will have specific goals to reach, things where they need improvement, from kicks or forms to improving their attitude or finally learning vocabulary.

Sometimes I tell students they need to work on specific items and I get back what I call doing a “but what about”.

“My kicks are higher than so and so’s. Why are you telling me I need to work on kicks?” “I may have said such and such and been disrespectful, but so and so said something else the other day.” Not only are those responses disrespectful, they are not valid.

What I talk to students about privately is not anyone’s business but mine and theirs. Likely those other students have had their own “come to Jesus” moment with me.

Students need to be concerned with their own techniques and not worry about others. That also shows respect for me, allowing that I am dealing individually with each of my students.

The bottom line is that if students want to earn a black belt at our studio, they need compare themselves only to themselves. Keep improving and it will happen.

Supporting Your Child in the Martial Arts

by Ms. Jennifer Grillo-Foster

Parents have many roles in their child’s life: caretaker, chauffeur, disciplinarian. I am a mother, a martial artist, an instructor, and a mother of a martial artist. Each role has its own set of duties and responsibilities.

Recently, my youngest son joined a dojang in Ohio, where he lives with his dad. My roles have shifted from martial arts instructor to martial arts parent.

Even though I live in Tennessee I still do my best to support him. His father asks questions and sends videos of our son from every class. I talk to my son as well and love hearing him discuss classes with me, his mother, and not with me, his instructor.

This role shift was, for me, sudden. I did some research on how I could encourage and support my son in martial arts, even from afar, and compiled a list of suggestions.

Take an interest. Watch a class. Put down the phone or tablet and observe. Kids tend to like showing off. Ask open-ended questions about discussions from class or their dojang friends.

Get involved. Most students have classes 2-3 days a week. On those off days, practice at home. Have them show you their forms out in the yard. I do dishes in back stance. A friend of mine with a wonderful horse stance used to practice while watching tv.

Support your dojang. Attend seminars and other events. Offer to help with cleaning. Promote! Bring in your child’s friends as potential students.

Support your child. By this, I mean regular attendance. Spotty attendance leads to spotty performance. Your child also needs a uniform and gear that are clean and well-fitted.

Trust the instructor. It is the instructor’s turn to try to get some information into your child’s thick skull. Sit back and enjoy the show. How often do you get to do that?

Don’t be THAT parent. Y’all know the one. Obnoxious. Negative. Har-asses judges, undermines instructors. It’s embarrassing for the child. Communicate. Are there mental or physical limitation concerns? Sure, everyday concerns should have been addressed with instructors when joining. I'm talking about temporary concerns. A strained wrist. A migraine that morning. Arthritis acting up. 

Communicate. Is there trouble with a classmate? Did Fido pass away over the weekend? Was Granny diagnosed with a serious illness? Martial arts is a mental and physical activity. Knowing things like this help instructors understand why your child isn’t doing as well for that class.

Communicate. This time with your child. Go for things other than “yes/ no” questions. What’s this month’s tenet? Recite the vocabulary words. Count in Korean as high as you can.

Play both the long and short game. My goal when I first started TSD was to relieve some arthritis pain. That was and still is my long-term goal. My short-term goal is earning my 2nd degree black belt. For your child, maybe the long game is black belt but that short game is the next gup or even just the next form.

Celebrate. “Awesome stance.” “Nice power.” “Those kicks were above the belt.” Praise the little things. It will go a long way.

Support your child. It’s bound to happen. They lose a sparring match. that’s fine. Have your child just take a deep breath, remember their training, and try harder next time.

Don’t compare. Every person is different. Our bodies are different. Not everyone can do a full split. Not everyone can do a deep horse stance. Do not compare your child. It’s discouraging. Instead, find what they can do & praise it. Offer ways to improve.

This is in no way an extensive list. I have been an assistant instructor or an instructor much longer than I've been “just” a martial arts parent. Feel free to adjust this for your family’s needs.

Losing, Humility and Good Sportsmanship

In a way, this follows from our last article, on respect and obedience. Part of showing respect to fellow martial artists, to your instructor, to your school and to your style, is to be a good loser.

I have discovered in teaching Little Dragons, that losing gracefully is not something we are born to do. Fights over who gets to be on the number 1 spot during lineup were common until I instituted some rules. Knowing how to lose is an essential part of competing. It is the essential good sportsmanship.

During Summer Camp, we discussed “Humility.” I asked for examples of humility. A Little Dragon responded that it was saying “Good Job” when someone else wins. (Well, this is one of the Little Dragons who throws temper tantrums when she loses in Flag Sparring, but at least she KNOWS what she’s supposed to do. And she’s five. LOL)

But yes, that is what I expect of all of my students at tournaments no matter what. No matter if the judges are biased. No matter if your opponent wins by a fluke. No matter if you really  know you should have won. No matter any of that, you shake your opponent’s hand and say “Good job.”

Competitors do not complain to the judges. They do not complain to the tournament officials. They may complain to me or any other black belt from our studio as long as it is out of hearing range of others. If there is anything that could/should be dealt with with tournament officials, leave us to deal with it.

But as long as you represent ETTSD at a tournament I expect you to show good sportsmanship. And I’ll tell you “Good job!”
I am slowly learning do deal with a child when (inevitably) they throw a tantrum after losing a flag sparring match, or a relay race, or…  Remove from the environment and continue the class.

Eventually, they realize they do not get to participate unless they behave, but the pain of losing is real, and they have to deal with it.

Because this is an important lesson, and many people thought children should not receive participation medals, it is rarely done these days. My opinion on those is another matter, but it happens so seldom these days it’s almost not worth discussing.

But it does seem that more and more adults have not learned to lose. I see a lot of bad behavior at tournaments when judging does not go the way the competitors think it should.

Respect and Obedience

Taking a little bit of a different tack this month. This article pertains to both adults and child students, but since many of our adults also have children training, I figured it still fits the series.

Anyone who takes martial arts belongs to a small family that is usually part of a larger family, and all of us are part of the larger martial arts community around the world.

Every style has its own rules, it’s own protocol, but there is at least one thing all martial arts have in common. They are hierarchial. For example, in TSDMA, orange belts outrank white belts, green belts outrank orange belts, red belts outrank green belts, cho dan bos outrank red belts and black belts outrank cho dan bos. There is subranking within each color also.

That’s a lot of hierarchy! And it’s a hierarchy that is known before someone signs up to take classes. It is hung on our walls, it is shown in the way we bow into class. And it needs to be shown by students to higher ranked students if they ever expect to attain that rank, or to attain black belt.

When someone decides to  take martial arts, they are agreeing to this hierarchy. They are agreeing that they will respect and obey those who outrank them.

This includes when students are members of the same family. We have children who outrank parents and the reverse, and siblings at different ranks. This may include someone you consider to be of lesser ability than you but who outranks you.

This does not mean you have to agree with every command, and it does not give higher ranks permission to abuse their rank and punish someone just because they outrank them. If you have a problem with a higher ranked student, come to me and we can discuss it. But first, do what the higher ranked student asks of you.

For example, an instructor may tell a green belt to work with lower ranks. The green belt may want to work on higher level things, but if a black belt says s/he needs to work with white belts, the green belt should take it as an opportunity to work on basics. Everyone needs basics.

If you are told to wear plain or school t-shirts to class and you repeatedly show up in stripes, you are disrespecting the rules of our school. Everyone forgets occasionally. I am talking about repetitive behavior.

More slack is given to beginners and younger students in this area, but the adults and higher ranked children are expected to be the examples in our school.

Martial arts students say yes sir,  no sir, yes ma’am, no ma’am. They do as they are told with courtesy and respect. You have time to learn, but you must desire to learn this.

If this is not what you signed on for, then perhaps martial arts is not for you. Losing a student is one of the worst feelings I have as a studio owner, but I would rather lose a student than have one who does not desire to respect our ranking system.

Questions from Parents about Sparring

This month I opened the forum to questions from parents. Some had the same theme–sparring. So I will try to answer a couple of them.

How to do you talk to your boy about hitting girls?

This was the easiest because I have encountered it numerous times, starting when I started sparring and men went easier on me. I asked them how I was supposed to learn to defend myself if they never really attacked me.

For children, I don’t suggest a full on attack, but as I stated in my other article on Sparring, students learn from the momentary pain in sparring. People who attack you are not going to wait for you to recover if they hurt you. (You can find the full article here)

So, tell your boy that, first, if there is a girl in the class, she has chosen to be there and is there to learn. Tell him that by sparring with a girl the same way he would a boy, he helps her learn to defend herself. Tell him that if he does not treat her as an equal, he is preventing her from gaining skill, and that could hurt her if she ever needs to defend herself.

I have used these arguments with several males, both ones “back in the day” when I came up the ranks in Texas who were obviously sparring light with me, and now, as an instructor.I even have one boy, Graysun, who initially said he refused to hit a girl, period. He now pushes the girls to their limits but has the control to know where those limits are.

Girls are more likely to have to defend themselves as boys. Sparring boys helps them learn essential skills.

Should parents spar with their kids at home?

My short answer is—if you have not been trained to spar, then please don’t. Instead, sign up, come to class, spar with your kids there. That is a controlled environment and truly is the best and most productive way to spar with your child.

If your child is in the kids’ class and you are in the adult class, you are welcome to come in to the kids’ sparring class, Thu, 5:30PM, and help with the sparring, including sparring with your own child.

By working with your child, and other children, in a controlled environment, you will also learn how to spar with children in general. Then, maybe you could do a bit of sparring at home.

One of my worries with parents sparring at home, especially without training, is that personal issues may get in the way. What if your child is angry with you, or you with them? What if you start sparring with no supervision and one of you accidentally, or on purpose, hits too hard? With that emotional connection, for many, it is just as likely that the fight may escalate as it is that you will stop it.

So I recommend again that if you want to spar with your child, sign up for classes. When I started karate again after 20 years, I went with my 10 year old son, (you now call him Mr. Ian.) I did enjoy sparring with him. I used to joke that when our family fights, we put on gear first.

Rules for Uniform Care ... and How to Break Them

When Ms. Jennifer suggested we do uniform care for our column this month, I told her I came up the ranks at a hard-core gym in Dallas where black belts left their uniforms in the dressing room for months at a time, until the underarms turned yellow and you could smell them from hallway. She said that wasn’t what she had in mind, that parents were fading our patches by using bleach which seems like the only way to get out stains.

So, I researched. What follows is a compilation of the advice I found, modified for reality. To me, it seemed that those who wrote those columns have never had to keep up with laundry, on top of whatever else needs done, of course.

1. Wash the uniform after every class. If you’re a mom like I was, that ain’t gonna happen. I have found that washing them every couple of weeks, at worst monthly, works fine, especially with light weight uniforms. 
2. Don’t stuff them in your bag / locker. Good advice both for wrinkles and smell. This one I follow religiously. If you MUST leave them in a bag/locker, FOLD the uniform neatly before you store it. Otherwise, you WILL end up having to wash them more often.
3. Don’t use chlorine bleach. I have broken this rule more times than I can count. But color-safe bleach, like Clorox 2, has gotten better, so try that first. Next level are stain removers like Spray & Wash on stain areas. If that doesn’t work, it is time to bleach. The best bet to be sure the patches don’t fade is to remove them before you bleach and sew them back on after. I know, a lot of work, but you let the uniform get to the point where you had to bleach it. Pay the penalty. 
4. Presoak for 20 minutes. Yeah, right, like that’s going to happen. Maybe presoak for hours because I forget, but never managed to do that one. Do any of you guys ever presoak? 
5. Hang to dry. Nice ideal but hard to follow, especially if you’re in a hurry. For lighter weight and white uniforms, drying on low, even medium, works fine. (Black pants. Nope. I’ve ruined a couple pairs that way. Luckily, only instructors have that worry.) But I do advise trying to take the uniform out of the dryer right away so it won’t wrinkle. If you forget, as I often do, take a wet washcloth, throw it into the dryer with the uniform and run the dryer for about ten minutes. 

For better advice:

• Proper Care for a Karate Gi, KI International Corporation
• How to Care for Your Karate Uniform, AWMA Blog
• How to Wash and Remove Stains from Karate Uniforms, The Spruce
• How To Wash Your Karate Gi, Jesse Enkamp

Tournament Survival Guide

If you, or your child, intends to compete, here are some basic protocol and ideas to help you survive tournament season.

Preparing for the tournament 

• Attend our Demo/Tournament class on Saturday mornings (9am).
• Practice at home. 
• If you get to the tournament the night before, practice then. When possible, we enjoy practicing in the parking lot at the hotel. 
• Get to the tournament early to practice. 
• You get the idea. Practice, practice, practice. 

What to bring

• Complete uniform (top, pants, belt), clean and, if possible, pressed. 
• Weapon(s) 
• If sparring: head, foot, & hand gear, mouthpiece, cup Food and drinks, or cash for the concession stand (most tournaments allow coolers). Concessions are usually hot dogs, nachos, chips and drinks at best. 
• If you have one, a stadium seat or cushion, at best you get high school gym bleachers to sit on. 
• For open tournaments: cash or card for a name plate for trophies if you want one (so far they have been $5 a plate). 

Uniform Protocol

• T-shirts allowed under the do bok: solid white, blue, red or your belt color. An ETTSD or TSDMA tee shirt is preferred. 
• No shirt sleeves, shirt bottoms (tuck them in) or pants legs are to be seen when wearing the do bok. 
• It is usually very warm at tournaments, consider no t-shirt at all to keep cooler. 

Parent Behavior

• If you have any questions, concerns, or complaints, do not go to the officials yourself. Bring issues to Ms Vic, Ms Jennifer, or Mr Ian. 
• Remember: you and your guests represent ETTSD. Be respectful of others and others’ belongings. 

When in front of the judges: 

• Show CONFIDENCE when entering the ring. Walk with strong strides, chin up, firm steps. 
• Use POWER. Pretend you are actually fighting an invisible opponent if you need to. Power wins more often than not. 
• Speak politely. Be respectful. Speak clearly. Speak up. 
• Keep your hands in fists in Choong Be while speaking. No fiddling. 
• No adjusting the uniform while on the mat. 
• Try to go slowly. You will go faster than you think, so think SLOW. Use an even rhythm throughout your form. Better to be slow and steady than fast and erratic. 
• For open tournaments: if you forget the next move, fake it. Just keep going. And find a place to end when you are facing the judges. 
• For Tang Soo Do tournaments (where they will know your form), if you forget the next move, stop and ask if you may start again. 
• Treat all weapons as if they are live. 

Step-by-step ring protocol 

• Bow to mat and person exiting mat if relevant 
• Walk along the back of the mat until in front of the center judge. 
• Turn and bow to the judges. 
• Walk toward the judges until just a couple feet away. 
• Bow. Choon be. (Speech*.) 
• Wait for head judge to approve. 
• Bow. 
• Walk backwards until at your starting point. 
• Choon be. (If you need to, take a few breaths before you begin.) 
• Do your form. 
• At the end of the form, hold last move for an INTERNAL slow count of three. 
• Choon be. Bow to the judges when dismissed. 
• Turn and bow to the next competitor if there is one. 
• Walk off the mat. 

*Speech 
For TSD tournaments: 

• Judges, my name is ________. 
• I represent East Tennessee Tang Soo Do. 
• My instructor is Ms Victoria Rivas (or Mr. Ian Turnage.) 
• My form is _____. 
• Permission to step back and begin. 

For open tournaments: (You will be given a number before your division starts. We will call it x.) 

•  Judges, I am competitor number x. 
•  Permission to step back and begin.